These past few days, everything has been somewhat chaotic, to the extent I almost lost more than I gained. Expecting is a bitch, you end up wondering what’s gonna come to you. But, nothing ever really happens. I expected too much of people or even family. It sucks really, you focusing so much on others that you really forget how to be independent or self-sufficient.
People make so much plans and don’t say anything about them. Talking as friends and then you feel their absence. The hardest part is, that if you don’t take care of yourself, you end up in a stray road. Wondering others desires or even pursuit. I’m abandoning that and exposing myself towards life and what makes me tick.
Like my mother for instance, she loves me but tends to tighten the bolt and figure my sketch. In the meanwhile, I’m over here wondering what do I want or need. What is the meaning behind my strength or even breath. It’s complicated sometimes with so much going on around me, it fucks me over. But, these days I’ve found more strength in studying cats.
Cats are really powerful. They are independent and even take you to wonder where they have been. That’s life you know, selecting and not selecting a course. Maturing and not aging, freeing yourself and sometimes saying fuck it. That’s what I have experienced from life. Nothing is sure, we need to take care of what we love or even let go of what doesn’t want to be loved. Hard stuff…